Ah, the striving for structure/routine/order in my life and in T's life has evolved into seemingly endless sleep struggle. She is not into any sort of structure with her sleep and it is driving me a bit mad. Both her naps and her bedtime are super irregular, which I know ultimately is fine. For her anyways. I do feel she could benefit from regularity in sleep-land though. Mostly I want to preserve my sanity. I mean, come on, over two years as a single bicycling/busing Mama? I am slightly tired and going a tad bit insane!! Tonight she told me she was ready to sleep, we went through the whole bed-prep business(though I confess my tiredness is resulting in a lacking of a solid routine, which is to say on tired nights, I skip the bath). After nursing and then laying and singing and back-rubbing, then listening to a relaxation/visualization CD for toddlers I found at the library, giving her a soother(which until late has been soley a teething pain reliever), putting a blanket in the window, leaving her on her own, sitting with her and rubbing her, reminding her to be calm, etc, etc, etc, she still came out of bed in the end.
Currently (9:00pm), Chris is out with her on a stroller "Sleep Walk", as I dubbed them when she was around 5 months and having trouble sleeping for a bit. I would put her on my body and nurse/walk her to sleep--Sleep Walks. Hopefully this will work tonight, though I have to say that more-so in the last few months, Sleep Walks as a last resort are not as effective as they once were and I often return or have returned to me a wide-awake or cranky milk-demanding toddler(which, I must say, I am also tiring of...*sigh*).
I pray that soon I will no longer have these issues eating away at my energy and such. The sleep thing is huge. I know it will be okay. I am grounded, I am strong. I will get through this and so will T, and I know it really isn't that bad.
Still, any advice is highly desired.
Thank you for reading!
-Sarah
Walking into the garden . . .
Showing posts with label toddler. Show all posts
Showing posts with label toddler. Show all posts
Friday, May 28, 2010
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
GAAAAAAHHh!
I am feeling immensely aggravated right now. I realize that it is not T's fault, however what I am feeling is in relation to experiences with her.
She woke up really early, which felt even earlier than it should as I stayed up FAR later than I ever should(1:00am). However, we've managed to have a wonderful morning, we went to music together after a pancake breakfast(which did involve T whining at me to the point where I was yelling at her and putting her in her room, hoping she'd just take the time to have a break and relax, which semi-sorta worked. So, maybe not all wonderful).
After we returned from that, with a stop at the small playground on the short walk home, lunch was prepared and eaten. I called T in from outside to either eat some more lunch or come and lay down with me for a nap. She chose the second option, we washed her up and got her PJs on(at her request). After laying with her for a while and getting SO annoyed at the constant prodding and squirming and grabbing, and just sick of even her suckling, I pulled my boob out in hopes she would roll over and go to sleep(as she often does). However, she became perky and awake again and now it is all I can do to just be calm.
I am just sick of nursing, and sick of her not sleeping when it feels like it should be time to sleep. I want so badly to have some sort of order and routine in my life, and it is feeling more and more difficult the more I try.
Can someone please give me some wonderful advice!?
Thank you!
-Sarah Christina (hoping her mother will come soon!!)
She woke up really early, which felt even earlier than it should as I stayed up FAR later than I ever should(1:00am). However, we've managed to have a wonderful morning, we went to music together after a pancake breakfast(which did involve T whining at me to the point where I was yelling at her and putting her in her room, hoping she'd just take the time to have a break and relax, which semi-sorta worked. So, maybe not all wonderful).
After we returned from that, with a stop at the small playground on the short walk home, lunch was prepared and eaten. I called T in from outside to either eat some more lunch or come and lay down with me for a nap. She chose the second option, we washed her up and got her PJs on(at her request). After laying with her for a while and getting SO annoyed at the constant prodding and squirming and grabbing, and just sick of even her suckling, I pulled my boob out in hopes she would roll over and go to sleep(as she often does). However, she became perky and awake again and now it is all I can do to just be calm.
I am just sick of nursing, and sick of her not sleeping when it feels like it should be time to sleep. I want so badly to have some sort of order and routine in my life, and it is feeling more and more difficult the more I try.
Can someone please give me some wonderful advice!?
Thank you!
-Sarah Christina (hoping her mother will come soon!!)
Monday, May 24, 2010
Long Post of Now and the Days to Come
Okay, so I already broke my deal with myself to go on here in the afternoons. It's just so nice to end the day by sharing it with all of you!
I officially have a child-care giving friend and today was my first official day of, what I am calling, work! (Though I must say, it's pretty damn fun for "work"!) They only hung out for two hours(9:30am-11:30am), but it was good. I set up my Sewing Nook at the end of our hallway more by organizing all of my fabric, old and new-to-me, and neatly stacking it on the shelves my room-mate so kindly put up for me above my desk. That was about all I had time to accomplish (he came a bit late and I did some eating and such before getting down to business). However, throughout the course of the evening I was able to crochet cuffs which will be the ankles of lovely Arabian-style pants, as overalls, and a short and wonderful vest to go with them. All that is left is to sew the pants (hopefully tomorrow finds me doing this, maybe during T's nap?).
I am excited for when he will be caring for her Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday for three hours each morning. We are easing into it, as there have been many transitions lately and Mom has been also having a hard time, which she feels. So today was two hours, and we are skipping Tuesday, however Wednesday will be a three hour morning for them. This works out really well, as he will be watching her from right after breakfast to lunch. She'll come back, ideally eat lunch and then go down for a couple hours of napping, freeing me up to continue any projects I am wanting to do more work on, or perhaps complete a few of the endless tasks on my eternal list! ^.^ In addition to this, it is possible that another close friend of mine will watch T for 2 days of the month, once every two weeks, for up to 5 hours. We'll see how this goes. This could also come in handy to allow me to work part time, say one day a week, as I feel this may be necessary for me to bring in the money needed to support T and I. As for babysitting, I am hoping to receive a Child Care Subsidy from the government and am sending in the application form tomorrow. This will mean I will only need to put a fraction of money into childcare, as opposed to all the money I could possibly earn while my child is being cared for. *Few*
Today after T returned and went down for her nap, I finally got out the poster-board, as I've been truly wanting to do for a time now, and started the process of making a schedule for T(and myself), based on the one I found on this video. Now to laminate it, make labels and laminate them, and find a wonderful picture of T to use to show where in our day we are. Hoping to have this done soon.
T is doing well. She has been tricking me, this is about the third time now. She will say she is ready for bed, we'll do the whole bed-time prep. deal, get into her bedroll, nurse, and this is where is starts to become evident, and she's super awake, enjoying the nurse.
Now, I have, as long as I've been in this Mother role, been an advocate of "on-demand nursing", and self-led weaning as well. However, I have been getting more and more tired and feel that the amount she nurses is taxing me more than it is benefiting her. So, I have recently(for about a couple weeks now) stopped giving her milk every time she asked. I now will nurse her if requested upon waking in the morning or from a nap, I will nurse her to sleep at nap and night time, and if/when she wakes up throughout the night. This is better than the anger and/or frustration I very obviously felt with each nurse, which was a LOT of nursing. And when I started this, I was pleasantly surprised at how well she took it. She was quite happy to be distracted, or else didn't take long to get over it. And so, either I am misinterpreting her or, as she confirmed when I asked her, she is tricking me by saying she's ready for bed so that she can get a nurse. And clever girl she is for it works, and as much as I don't want to nurse her again once she's genuinely ready for bed, I don't really see another option that makes sense for us. I feel tired and aggravated after going through the entire bedtime routine, laying down with her and nursing her in bed, getting sleepy from this myself, all to have her pop right out of bed ready for more adventure. At this point I just do what I can to keep my sanity and let her tire herself out.
Having said this, I am deeply wanting to establish routines and some sort of schedule to help get us into a flow that feels good for both of us. That is why I, at last, started working on the poster board schedule. I really don't think that this is a large project except for the way that I interpret the whole situation as big and hard. Thankfully my Mother is most likely coming after Thursday to help me with this aspect of my current life. I admire her ability to do what she does and want to learn from her how to do some of those things myself. She is great at meal planning, bread making, time using. All sorts of things.
And to be fair and truly honest, sometimes you just need your Mommy, even if you're a Mama yourself!
So tomorrow I look forward to T's Music Together class in the morning. I think it will be my last, or at least second to last, time going with her for this section(and it's her first time doing this class, which is AMAZING, btw, I highly recommend it!). This is because my friend will begin watching her on Tuesdays soon, and so he will be taking her! I will miss it, but I am also glad for the experience she will still have and that she will be able to bring her friend into that world as well. ^_^
Oh yeah, and depositing rent and all of that fun official stuff I also need to do tomorrow. Well, it'll be alright.
Have a beautiful night or day and thanks for reading!
-Sarah Christina
PS-Also, before typing this, I found this crazy synchronistic writing while searching for another wondrous blog to add to the list of those inspiring Mama blogs I follow!
I officially have a child-care giving friend and today was my first official day of, what I am calling, work! (Though I must say, it's pretty damn fun for "work"!) They only hung out for two hours(9:30am-11:30am), but it was good. I set up my Sewing Nook at the end of our hallway more by organizing all of my fabric, old and new-to-me, and neatly stacking it on the shelves my room-mate so kindly put up for me above my desk. That was about all I had time to accomplish (he came a bit late and I did some eating and such before getting down to business). However, throughout the course of the evening I was able to crochet cuffs which will be the ankles of lovely Arabian-style pants, as overalls, and a short and wonderful vest to go with them. All that is left is to sew the pants (hopefully tomorrow finds me doing this, maybe during T's nap?).
I am excited for when he will be caring for her Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday for three hours each morning. We are easing into it, as there have been many transitions lately and Mom has been also having a hard time, which she feels. So today was two hours, and we are skipping Tuesday, however Wednesday will be a three hour morning for them. This works out really well, as he will be watching her from right after breakfast to lunch. She'll come back, ideally eat lunch and then go down for a couple hours of napping, freeing me up to continue any projects I am wanting to do more work on, or perhaps complete a few of the endless tasks on my eternal list! ^.^ In addition to this, it is possible that another close friend of mine will watch T for 2 days of the month, once every two weeks, for up to 5 hours. We'll see how this goes. This could also come in handy to allow me to work part time, say one day a week, as I feel this may be necessary for me to bring in the money needed to support T and I. As for babysitting, I am hoping to receive a Child Care Subsidy from the government and am sending in the application form tomorrow. This will mean I will only need to put a fraction of money into childcare, as opposed to all the money I could possibly earn while my child is being cared for. *Few*
Today after T returned and went down for her nap, I finally got out the poster-board, as I've been truly wanting to do for a time now, and started the process of making a schedule for T(and myself), based on the one I found on this video. Now to laminate it, make labels and laminate them, and find a wonderful picture of T to use to show where in our day we are. Hoping to have this done soon.
T is doing well. She has been tricking me, this is about the third time now. She will say she is ready for bed, we'll do the whole bed-time prep. deal, get into her bedroll, nurse, and this is where is starts to become evident, and she's super awake, enjoying the nurse.
Now, I have, as long as I've been in this Mother role, been an advocate of "on-demand nursing", and self-led weaning as well. However, I have been getting more and more tired and feel that the amount she nurses is taxing me more than it is benefiting her. So, I have recently(for about a couple weeks now) stopped giving her milk every time she asked. I now will nurse her if requested upon waking in the morning or from a nap, I will nurse her to sleep at nap and night time, and if/when she wakes up throughout the night. This is better than the anger and/or frustration I very obviously felt with each nurse, which was a LOT of nursing. And when I started this, I was pleasantly surprised at how well she took it. She was quite happy to be distracted, or else didn't take long to get over it. And so, either I am misinterpreting her or, as she confirmed when I asked her, she is tricking me by saying she's ready for bed so that she can get a nurse. And clever girl she is for it works, and as much as I don't want to nurse her again once she's genuinely ready for bed, I don't really see another option that makes sense for us. I feel tired and aggravated after going through the entire bedtime routine, laying down with her and nursing her in bed, getting sleepy from this myself, all to have her pop right out of bed ready for more adventure. At this point I just do what I can to keep my sanity and let her tire herself out.
Having said this, I am deeply wanting to establish routines and some sort of schedule to help get us into a flow that feels good for both of us. That is why I, at last, started working on the poster board schedule. I really don't think that this is a large project except for the way that I interpret the whole situation as big and hard. Thankfully my Mother is most likely coming after Thursday to help me with this aspect of my current life. I admire her ability to do what she does and want to learn from her how to do some of those things myself. She is great at meal planning, bread making, time using. All sorts of things.
And to be fair and truly honest, sometimes you just need your Mommy, even if you're a Mama yourself!
So tomorrow I look forward to T's Music Together class in the morning. I think it will be my last, or at least second to last, time going with her for this section(and it's her first time doing this class, which is AMAZING, btw, I highly recommend it!). This is because my friend will begin watching her on Tuesdays soon, and so he will be taking her! I will miss it, but I am also glad for the experience she will still have and that she will be able to bring her friend into that world as well. ^_^
Oh yeah, and depositing rent and all of that fun official stuff I also need to do tomorrow. Well, it'll be alright.
Have a beautiful night or day and thanks for reading!
-Sarah Christina
PS-Also, before typing this, I found this crazy synchronistic writing while searching for another wondrous blog to add to the list of those inspiring Mama blogs I follow!
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Up and Sew, Here We Go!
Yesterday the call came in: My lovely sewing machine has been overhauled and is ready for me to pick up!!! Have no doubt that as soon as my precious toddler awakens from her nap, I'll be rushing out that door, hopping on the bus with the wheely-cart and picking that Elna up!!! Also, the arm for my bike trailer has come in at the bike shop, so we'll also be picking that up. I may also, if the ambition strikes me, be stopping in on that discount fabric and notion shop I noticed beside the teacher supply store during our shopping spree the other day. I think it may be wise to pace myself a bit, see what I have to work with, and then go and get more supplies.
My wonderful room-mate has installed shelves on the wall above my desk(yet unpainted) where my lovely treasured sewing machine is to go upon her return home! I am hoping to take the time tonight after T is down to go through all of my fabric and notions and organize the space. I also must go through all of my crazily cluttered desk drawers! .... >.< Not looking forward to that part so much, however the end result will be well worth it!
Yesterday I cleaned the house when Chris took T out for an evening walk to the far away store to purchase some juice and Valerian Root Tincture(that is how much I have been stressing, which has been resulting in pain of the head and neck, and body overall). I noticed that the headache I had been feeling for hours diminished. My house got clean, and I felt better. Then, something else magical happened...I went to bed at a reasonable hour! That is why I am blogging in the afternoon. I am going to try to limit myself to going online while T is napping, as opposed to the usual after she's gone to bed. I felt SO good this morning! I know my clean house had something to do with it, and I also do not even think about underestimating the great importance of sleep, that I somehow forgot about! I woke up with T without much difficulty and even scrubbed the bathroom and the kitchen floor, as well as the outsides of cupboards and the fridge. It felt SO good to be able to do this. I feel that as I am now caught up on this, perhaps I will have a better foundation to introduce the schedule/routines that I have been struggling with.
I also called my Mama, and she is going to come and support me for a bit, observe me and give me some advice. I feel very comforted knowing this. I am unsure of specifically when she is coming, but just knowing she is helps me to relax a little bit.
I am looking towards my future, and at my present with great enthusiasm and excitement, as it stands in this moment.
Thank you life for giving me this reprieve!
In Love!
-Sarah
My wonderful room-mate has installed shelves on the wall above my desk(yet unpainted) where my lovely treasured sewing machine is to go upon her return home! I am hoping to take the time tonight after T is down to go through all of my fabric and notions and organize the space. I also must go through all of my crazily cluttered desk drawers! .... >.< Not looking forward to that part so much, however the end result will be well worth it!
Yesterday I cleaned the house when Chris took T out for an evening walk to the far away store to purchase some juice and Valerian Root Tincture(that is how much I have been stressing, which has been resulting in pain of the head and neck, and body overall). I noticed that the headache I had been feeling for hours diminished. My house got clean, and I felt better. Then, something else magical happened...I went to bed at a reasonable hour! That is why I am blogging in the afternoon. I am going to try to limit myself to going online while T is napping, as opposed to the usual after she's gone to bed. I felt SO good this morning! I know my clean house had something to do with it, and I also do not even think about underestimating the great importance of sleep, that I somehow forgot about! I woke up with T without much difficulty and even scrubbed the bathroom and the kitchen floor, as well as the outsides of cupboards and the fridge. It felt SO good to be able to do this. I feel that as I am now caught up on this, perhaps I will have a better foundation to introduce the schedule/routines that I have been struggling with.
I also called my Mama, and she is going to come and support me for a bit, observe me and give me some advice. I feel very comforted knowing this. I am unsure of specifically when she is coming, but just knowing she is helps me to relax a little bit.
I am looking towards my future, and at my present with great enthusiasm and excitement, as it stands in this moment.
Thank you life for giving me this reprieve!
In Love!
-Sarah
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Space and Creative Financial Independence
Hello.
So, I have been going a little crazy lately, and also entering into a beautiful stage of my life. I suppose that transition always must be a little bit crazy...or downright maddening.
Anyways. I have been trying to integrate a schedule into the life of myself and my two year old these last few days. It has been tricky, and I want to get it right away. I realized the beauty, however, of creating a schedule and adjusting it as you use it and discover what works and what doesn't. Also, there are some days where you need to ignore any schedule at all. I suppose what I made was more of sets of routines designed to make our lives more smooth, efficient, and predictable.
A big reason for the desire to have set routines and a sort of schedule is that I am ready to have time to myself and feel the push to become financially independent. I am a single Mama and have been on financial assistance since month 5 of my pregnancy. I am not only ready to be financially independent, but also must be prepared as when T turns three years old (which is in February) they will cut me off.
And so, with optimism, I am excited for this much needed shift in my reality. I am in the process of finding a friend to hang out with T while I have time to focus of self and creating wondrous magical things to sell to support us.
My wonderful, amazing and exciting plan is to sew(weeeeee, my beautiful old Elna Machine is in the shop right now!) wonderful creations to sell. I would also like to embroider embellishments, do some felting/felt appliqués, crochet, make activities for children(Montessori inspired, no doubt), and do all of this in a way that is sustainable. I will use salvaged goods, such as linens and such from thrift shops, local wool/salvaged wool and other such materials. I am very excited about all of this(as must be incredibly apparent).
So, here I go. I am going to talk to my friend today to see if watching T for me will work for him.
Here I go!
I will update when this evolves further. Another exciting tidbit: I will soon have a camera again and so will be able to show off in posts with lovely photographs!
<3
-Radical Mama Me
So, I have been going a little crazy lately, and also entering into a beautiful stage of my life. I suppose that transition always must be a little bit crazy...or downright maddening.
Anyways. I have been trying to integrate a schedule into the life of myself and my two year old these last few days. It has been tricky, and I want to get it right away. I realized the beauty, however, of creating a schedule and adjusting it as you use it and discover what works and what doesn't. Also, there are some days where you need to ignore any schedule at all. I suppose what I made was more of sets of routines designed to make our lives more smooth, efficient, and predictable.
A big reason for the desire to have set routines and a sort of schedule is that I am ready to have time to myself and feel the push to become financially independent. I am a single Mama and have been on financial assistance since month 5 of my pregnancy. I am not only ready to be financially independent, but also must be prepared as when T turns three years old (which is in February) they will cut me off.
And so, with optimism, I am excited for this much needed shift in my reality. I am in the process of finding a friend to hang out with T while I have time to focus of self and creating wondrous magical things to sell to support us.
My wonderful, amazing and exciting plan is to sew(weeeeee, my beautiful old Elna Machine is in the shop right now!) wonderful creations to sell. I would also like to embroider embellishments, do some felting/felt appliqués, crochet, make activities for children(Montessori inspired, no doubt), and do all of this in a way that is sustainable. I will use salvaged goods, such as linens and such from thrift shops, local wool/salvaged wool and other such materials. I am very excited about all of this(as must be incredibly apparent).
So, here I go. I am going to talk to my friend today to see if watching T for me will work for him.
Here I go!
I will update when this evolves further. Another exciting tidbit: I will soon have a camera again and so will be able to show off in posts with lovely photographs!
<3
-Radical Mama Me
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